A Testimonial on assisted suicide by Jimmypete

First of all, let me state that this story is 100% true. Jimmypete, of course, is not my real name. Unlike Dr. Kevorkian, I don't have the guts to withstand any sort of public attention. However, I've been thinking a lot about him lately and since you asked how people feel about him and I'm a regular viewer of your site, I'll pitch in my two cents.

One year to the date of Dr. Kevorkian's sentencing on April 13, I met him. My mother was suffering a horrible existence from ALS (amotrophic lateral sclerosis) or Lou Gerhig's disease. She had maybe another month or so to live before her the nerves operating her respitory system failed. She'd already lost the ability to speak and any sort of movement was extremely painful and exhausting. For months she had been pleading with everyone to bring her a gun so that she might kill herself. Of course no one was willing to do that. In time, she asked that we contact Dr. Jack Kevorkian. Her sister did so.

Once contact was established with him, things progressed quickly. Arrangements were coordinated through one of the people who work closely with Dr. Kevorkian. Plane tickets were purchased and family members from across the country met and we flew with my mother to Detroit, April 13, 1998.

We rented a van and drove to Pontiac, MI. There we stopped at a McDonald's and called Dr. Kevorkian's associate, as we had agreed. We waited nervously for about an hour for the associate to meet us in the parking lot and follow him to a house. The waiting was horrible. What would be a very light trip for a healthy person is a catastrophic ordeal for a terminal ALS patient. My mother was in terrible pain. She was getting weaker by the moment. She couldn't speak. She could only groan out her pain in some goddamn McDonald's parking lot 900 miles away her home. It was gutwrenching. Finally, we saw a car pull in that matched the description we'd be given. It pulled up next to our van. The driver was wearing a white baseball cap with black lettering. It said "Mercy".

A 10 minute drive away, we were in a comfortable lakeside house. We brought my mother in and there he was. Dr. Jack Kevorkian himself. It was surreal. All the times you've seen him on TV. All the times you've seen him in print. Heard his voice on TV. On radio. All the jokes you've heard. All your preconceptions. They all flash at you in a rush. The emotional truth of what you're about to do fucking grabs you by the guts and rips you apart. Inspite of his gaunt face and huge eyesockets, Dr. Kevorkian is not a menacing presence. He is warm and hospitable, very kind and courteous. Once we all gathered and sat down in the small in the living room, he began to speak. He asked for the letter from her doctor in which the doctor confirmed my mother's status as a terminally ill ALS patient. We filled out a brief form. We read a paper he gave us. I think it was about what he called "medicide" or something. It had the origins of the term and was a kind of 'mission statement'. I can't remember. We gave him her driver's license and her social security card, to be used in legally identifying her body, as we'd been requested to do.

During his talk, Dr. Kevorkian asked what we thought of the idea of patients of physician-assisted death being able to donate organs. Of course, we were totally unprepared for this line of thinking. But we all agreed that if the patient was willing, then there need not be any legal barrier to such an act. He explained that it was not something which was available for my mother, but he wanted other people's opinions on something he'd been considering.

We had been unsure of what to do once we left my mom in his care. Originally, we had imagined that we were going to be there with her when the procedure was going on. But we were told that we could not be there. We were quite leary of this situation. We did not want media attention in any amount. We did not want any involvement from the law. We did not want her body left in a car on some hospital's parking lot with a note on the windshield. If these conditions couldn't be met, we were going to thank Dr. Kevorkian and his team and go back to the airport and catch the next flight home. Fortunately, a year ago, Dr. Kevorkian was able to perform his services with relative impunity. He assured us that he would bring her body himself to the hospital and hand deliver her identification. I have to say that Dr. Kevorkian and the men on his team are truly a class act. They are intelligent, compassionate people who happen to be on the vanguard of something that will, in time, be commonplace.

After maybe 30-45 minutes, the consultation was over. Dr. Kevorkian and his team went into another part of the house. One at a time, each of us spent time alone with my mom. She said not to cry for her, but to be happy. This is what she wanted. If you've ever experienced time with a terminally ill person, you know that they do this totally fucked up thing. You think you're going to help them feel better and reassure them, but it's not like that. THEY are the ones who help you. Their actions and words comfort you. My mother sacrificed herself for me throughout my life. She only asked me for one thing. I was not about to deny her request.

Approxiametly one hour after arriving at this nice lakeside house, on a gravel lane, in a part of Michigan where new luxury homes were going up everywhere (probably for automotive industry executives and other white-collar criminals), we got back into our rented van and drove away. We were told that to avoid any possible legal entanglements we could not be with her at the time of her death. In fact, we were told to get back on a plane and go home. However, our return flight was not until the 15th. We didn't know what to do. All we could agree on was that we all needed a drink. Now.

So, there we were, in the airport hotel where we rented the van, sitting in an empty lobby 'sports' bar so common these days. We'd left my brother's pager number with one of Dr. Kevorkian's associates. He agreed to set off my brother's pager when my mother had passed. About an hour after we left and while nervously laughing with each other, telling stories about our time with her, the beeper went off. Sudden silence chased out the laughter that had lightened our spirits. In time, we drank a toast to her and sat wordless for a while.

Now here it is, one year later. Dr. Kevorkian is in jail. It is a travesty. He knows full well what he is getting into and is not afraid. Of that I am sure. While I agree with what he's doing and how he's doing it, I am still sad that he is locked up and dying. Sad because I know that there are other famalies going through the same thing mine did. They need the help of the one man in America with the balls enough to do what is right. They need Dr. Jack Kevorkian. Who will immediately carry on for him? No one? In the probable not-too-distant-future, big companies will be making big bucks performing the same service that Dr. Kevorkian performed gratis. He didn't charge money. He didn't accept donations from terminally ill people or their families. All he wanted was assurance that'd you'd made peace with your God and were willing to receive mercy. That is all.

Thank you for taking time to read this. Hope beyond hope that you or anyone you love never suffers a long debillitating fatal illness. That alone is bad enough. There was a time when only one man in America had the balls enough to bring mercy, regardless of cost to himself. But now he is gone. jimmypete@mailexcite.com